Sunday, January 9, 2011

The BFF...yeah right

Best friends are overrated.  My entire life I've been on an exhausting roller coaster ride pursuing relationships with women who misrepresented themselves.  My unmasked bff's range from the girl who slept with my man in high school to the "lifelong" friend that didn't invite me to her wedding.  Really?

Now, don't get me wrong, I am by no means the perfect friend. I have missed weddings, funerals, housewarmings, birthdays, and social gatherings for various reasons.  I have probably put my foot in my mouth more than once, and not been as excited about your kid learning to potty on his own as I should have been, but I consider myself pretty loyal and if nothing else....a real friend.

So why would you UN invite me to your event, not recognize me in public, steal my idea and put your name on it, compete with me and compare our children, "forget" to call me with the time and location of the meeting (when you seemed to remember to call the 2 other people at the meeting!), and the grand dame of them all church ladies....give me your "Jesus" smile and "Holy" hug, promise to pray, then gossip about my situation to everyone you know?  Perhaps my definition of friendship is wrong.  But I have spent countless hours trying to figure out what I have done wrong and how to change. I wanted to have a best friend.

Then I got a message on Facebook from a gal named "Sue" that I had not seen nor spoken to in almost 20 years. She was a girl I knew in junior high, high school, and college who shouldn't have necessarily been my friend, but was.  We didn't come from the same neighborhood or church, we didn't have class together, and we didn't even run in the same circle.  We were on the same sports team one season and became inseparable.  As life went on, we both married, had kids, and moved away. I would look for her occasionally, but sadly, couldn't remember her married name! So when I saw her ageless picture and read these words, I began to weep:  "I'm glad I found you on Facebook Dawn, I'm glad you have a regular blog to share your gifts for writing. I always knew you were a special person.  I am so thankful God is blessing you by using the gifts and talents we saw in you (20 years ago).  I feel blessed to call you bff!!! May God bless you in your ministry."

In an instant, God reminded me through "Sue" who I was and whom he had created me to be.  And in his infinite wisdom, he did it in a way I could understand...with a bff!  He showed me in that short paragraph that he had always been my best friend.  When that girl in high school slept with the (then)"love of my life" he was there.  When the denominational church ladies decided that my nondenominational church was too controversial and uninvited me to the ministers wives event, he was there.  In John 15, Jesus teaches us about loyalty and friendship.  He tells us he is the true vine and we are the branches.  As a branch, we have the ability to bear fruit, but bearing fruit requires pruning in order to continue.  This is why some relationships grow, then end.  God is making room for new growth.  Don't be discouraged when relationships don't work out the way you planned, or you get hurt or disappointed.  Look to Jesus the true vine, and know that he is there cutting away the dead spots and pruning the healthy ones so that you can bear more fruit. 

When it seems easy to give up on relationships or seek revenge or justice in our own way, remain obedient to Christ. Our obedience  allows us to abide in his love and receive the fullness of his joy (vs11). I have learned that the imperfections of my friends are no greater than my own, and every Earthly relationship requires a cultivation of patience and pruning. If we can just remember that only God is perfect and he chose us to bear fruit and love one another (vs.16-17). 

So when life's journey leads you to that lonely place and it "seems" like you don't have that bff you desire, remember (vs. 15) God has called you friend.  He is the best bff anyone can have.

It's how I was razed.....

1 comment:

  1. My Girlfriend needs to read this blog so bad Aunt D. lol. i think you were talking to her all the way on this topic. Love ya!