Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Why Your Pastor's Wife is MIA (humorous)

Somewhere in a sweet little Southern church.....

I can't imagine where that sweet little thang could be!  We the "the prissy ladies of the church without any sin casting the first stone committee" are completely baffled at why we haven't seen the Pastor's 'little' wife in weeks!? She has every reason to be here!

Reason #1.  We've already shown her how to dress.  Mabel and I personally pulled her aside and showed her the proper skirt length for Sunday 'go to meetin' dresses and  Mabel even gave her one of her old slips to wear.  You know the kind with the big ruffles at the bottom... We even saved her from embarrassment.  The poor thing almost wore blue jeans to church!

Reason #2.  Grandma Nelly saved her heathen children from a burning hell.  I just can't imagine why she would be so ungrateful!  Grandma Nelly has been teaching Sunday School for 50 years, she can recognize a heathen child when she sees one! The Pastor's wife's children wore shorts and sandals to church one day, and Nelly cast that demon right out!  Even unspiked the boys hair with the oil.  Whew! That was close. I can't imagine what the Pastor woulda thought if he'd found out about his heathen children.

Reason #3.  We put her in charge of the missionary society, women of the church, meals on wheels, preschool, nursery, bereavement committee, made her the church secretary, and gave her a solo on Sunday.  I cannot imagine why a woman would deny her God-given talents...

Reason #4.  We take care of the Pastor, she doesn't have to do anything.  We bought him a shiny new suit that he can wear every Sunday.  We pay his rent in their 'cozy,' 'vintage' parsonage.  Not to mention the $100  weekly salary we give him for preaching, teaching, visiting the sick, and being at our every beck and call.  And the care committee makes a casserole for him every Sunday.  Sister WatcHer  even volunteered to call him everyday to see if there was ANYTHING he needed....she's always so willing to help.

Reason #5.  The Pastor is ALWAYS there, why isn't she? We can call the Pastor any day, anytime.  I really don't understand why his wife is always unavailable.  It's not that hard to raise 5 kids!

Being razed.....